Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
