Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
