I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
