yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I got inside last night via doggy door
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
