i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
