Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
