We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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