Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
