and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
