can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
