She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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