at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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