I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You're a waste of cheezeits
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
