that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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