The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
