Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
