i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
