woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
