I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
