WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
