the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
