do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
This is the high leading the old right now
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
