wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize