He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
