my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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