I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
