great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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