Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
