he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
