Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize