Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
