Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
