Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm experimenting with sincerity
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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