Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
My vagina just clenched in fear
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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