you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
