So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
