I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
