I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
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