Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
