Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
