Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
