I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Randomize
