I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
