Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
