Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
