We're facebook friends in real life
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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