return my video game
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
This baby is an asshole
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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