Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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