But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
