Where is the hickey?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
