stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
