if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize