my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize