I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
