You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize
