i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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