Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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