twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
