he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
