So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
