I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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