At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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