It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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