he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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