Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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