why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
