im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
