Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
are you so shy because you have an std?
Quick, to the slutcave!
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
