you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
