Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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