I seem to have left my pride at pride
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
