What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
He literally asked permission to hit on me
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
